I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize