i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i think my cat just said my name.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
