fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
