You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
