Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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