I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
