dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
