oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
