Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
