After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
