I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
