I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
