bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
