if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
