how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
