my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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