i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my poor anus
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
