chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
