I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
