There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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