New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
