when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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