its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
