your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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