the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
