I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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