I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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