YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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