I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
