I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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