i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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