I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
