we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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