sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
