I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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