I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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