If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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