rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
