She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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