Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
