Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
