You just made me feel so damn special
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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