i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
