We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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