We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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