All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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