i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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