i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
