Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize