I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
