when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
