Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
