i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
