I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
