I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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