I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
