Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
