He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
