Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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