Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
