Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
