is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
