dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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