I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
