I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
