I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
