she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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