The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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