Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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