you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
