cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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