shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
