I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.