i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.