Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong