Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
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Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are the jesus of drinking
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.