Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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