I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.