i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"