wat bout pragnant strippers??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again