yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep