My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
